Note to Readers
Here are some of my original blog posts from before I became a therapist. Back then, my writing was raw, personal, and philosophical — a reflection of how I was trying to understand life and consciousness for myself.
After becoming a therapist, my blog evolved and took on a different tone, but these earlier writings still hold the roots of many ideas that appear in my newer posts.
Interestingly, my original blog had a Truman Show theme — a symbol of waking up from illusion and seeing life more clearly. Recently, I experienced a series of strange synchronicities that made me think about those early writings again. During a Brainspotting training, a therapist being brainspotted mentioned The Truman Show — and the very next day, a few of my clients brought it up too. Around that same time, I happened to hear the song Out of Time playing, with Jim Carrey’s voice at the end.
All of these coincidences felt like small nudges to revisit the past, to bring these old posts back from the dead. You can think of them as early glimpses into the ideas that would later shape how I see healing, awareness, and the nature of reality.
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Prisoner of mind
When one is born into this world, parents, teachers, and culture begin shaping the mind. From an early age, people are programmed to believe certain ideologies, religions, and moral systems. Culture teaches what is good or bad, what should be praised, and what should be avoided. Out of this comes a mind full of assumptions — judgments about others, about oneself, about life itself.
Most of the mind is fake. It’s nothing more than layers of conditioning built from experience and imitation. Whatever a person thinks, feels, or believes is simply programming. Everyone is living out a story that they’ve mistaken for who they are.
But is this experience truly what one is? Does something like a soul actually exist? The soul itself may just be another concept the mind clings to. If one looks honestly within to find a self or soul, nothing is found. Even “nothing” is just another thought.
So what is a person? What is death? Are life and death only ideas? If people are nothing, how does nothing die or live? Eastern spirituality says all is one, that we are the universe, that all is God. But even these are ideas — comforting concepts for the mind. Maybe what we are is something beyond understanding — an unsolvable mystery that simply is.
One thing is certain: society and people will always try to force their values on you. Those who want you to conform, obey, or be “nice” are trying to kill your freedom. If you refuse, you risk being labeled an outcast. But no matter how many friends you lose, never accept a belief system just to fit in.
Find your own values and never betray them. Betraying yourself leads to bitterness and emptiness. Living by what feels true for you may cost you acceptance, but it gives you life. When you live your truth, you might inspire others to do the same — some will love you for it, others will hate you, but at least you’ll be real.
Dissolving Suffering
There are endless ways people torment themselves. Some live trapped in their trauma stories, others suffer under false assumptions, and many ruminate over how life “should” be. Most suffering comes from one thing: the need to control.
People must learn to let go — to have faith in God, the universe, or nature, depending on what they believe. The stories of abuse, loss, and neglect that people repeat endlessly are nothing more than what happened to awareness. They don’t define awareness itself. Suffering continues because people take their thoughts too seriously.
Misery comes from false assumptions about self-image, love, the future, or the past. If you feel unloved, worthless, or that your life was a waste, ask yourself — do you truly know that? With enough honest questioning, one sees that there is very little anyone can truly know.
Another source of suffering comes from believing life should be different. You should have more money, should be in love, should have a better past. Stop “shoulding” all over yourself. Surrender to what is. If you prefer change, then act toward it — but don’t let the outcome decide your peace. Stay steady, act with intention, and what you want will find you.
When thoughts begin creating suffering, pause and question the assumptions behind them. Often pain comes from misunderstanding, while clarity brings peace. Awareness itself dissolves untruth. When thoughts and assumptions drop, what remains is love. Happiness is natural once the mind stops fighting itself.
The Sweetness of Grief
The Tao teaches that life is inherently sweet — there’s no need to detach from it. Grief, though often seen as bitter, is one of life’s sweetest emotions. Grief shows love. It proves that something or someone mattered deeply. Death gives meaning to appreciation.
To feel grief is to be fully alive. Appreciating someone while they live is a sacred act — a recognition that time is fleeting, that nothing lasts. Everyone is growing older, mortality is near, and life is always changing. Make your moments count. When we die, all that remains are memories.
Grief doesn’t mean being sad all the time. When grief is mixed with appreciation, it becomes beauty itself — it blesses and attracts others. It makes life powerful.
The strongest men are not those who hide their emotions, but those who embrace them. Real strength includes vulnerability and depth. A man who can express love, sadness, and truth without fear has composure — a power that cannot be faked.
A below-average looking man who carries self-respect, grief, and inner calm is far more attractive than a man who hides behind ego. Women are drawn to authenticity, not perfection. They don’t want worship or control — they want real presence.
Be yourself. Don’t fear your flaws or mistakes. Some of the most beautiful things in life — and in art — are beautiful because of their flaws.
Arthur Bilbrey LMFT - Transformative Trauma Therapy 